Sunday, May 27, 2012

Now That I'm 60, Imma Get Me Some of That Niagara to Increase My Sex Drive!

Older Ignorantics can sometimes be the worst offenders. Why? because they have been speaking incorrectly for decades and no one has bothered to correct them.

Enter Uncle X who is entering his senior years and is ready to "get his groove on" and "sow his oats", but he needs something to help him...he needs that little nudge...that something extra that can turn an impossibility into a possibility...what does he need you ask? He needs that NIAGARA pill! That pill that will take him from the still waters of Lake City to the powerful, thrusting, gushing falls of Niagara..okay so I love visuals (and obviously so do Ignorantics), but you follow me, right?

Tomorrow, I am going to call Pfizer and suggest that Niagara is a much better name for their Viagra pill because of its descriptive effects!! I mean...people are more visual, right? I think I'm onto do you like BenaComa (sounds like "in a coma"), the new name for Bendryl? [dialing McNeil now...] Uncle X, you done started something!!!! LOL!

Note: For the late bloomers, the incorrect grammar in the last paragraph was intentional.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

You Need a Mediator to Dissolve Disputes

Alternative Dispute Resolution is growing more and more popular as thousands of litigants try to maneuver themselves through the litigation system. It really works and could save litigants hundreds of dollars in the process...but who would have thought that it could also  "dissolve" all your issues as well. That's right; you heard it here first...a mediator can "dissolve" disputes! At least that is what one Ignorantic opines.

I guess if we were to logically break this down, when a mediator resolves disputes, he or she does make them go away...hence "dissolve"...right???

Carry on...

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Happy Mova's DAY!!!

Well's that time of the year when we celebrate our Mothers. We celebrate "Mother's Day" and Ignorantics celebrate "Mova's Day".

No explanation for this one folks except sheer laziness and complete unwillingness to pronounce the letters "th". To all my Mommy/Mom readers, have a wonderful Mother's Day! Carry on...

Monday, May 7, 2012

When Positive Messages Go Grammatically Wrong

This morning I woke up to a positive message on my Twitter timeline. An awesome POSITIVE message lost in a maze of grammatical errors...

Three words: Kill the messenger...(figuratively of course). Carry on...

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I Didn't Know That Emmaneul Lewis was a Warf?

I'm not going to try and figure this one out y' would just hurt my head, but suffice it to say, Emmanuel Lewis is not a "warf"...

Again, one of my readers turns in a family member to Ignorantics....we all have one (or two) but we still love 'dem!

Another Ignorantic Event Posted on Facebook

You haven't seen an invitation to an event until you have received an INVITE to an event given by an Ignorantic. The following event invite was posted on Facebook (which by the way does have auto-correct), and sent to me by one of my readers. Once again, the names have been changed to protect the ignorant. Here is the invite (copied and pasted):

Event: A live reveiw of Mister Ignorantic

The X____ band Mister Ignorantic and the vip's performing soultry covers and his knew hit single DownTown and more this is the friday before mothers day soo bring momma out we will have a good time covering the good oldies and the new school we all know and love not only that free food open cash bar and other suprizes all for a 10.00 cover reserve sitting avail if you catchem! ahead of time we look towards having a real good! time and remember this is a grown folks party see yall there!!!!!!! we will be recordind the hit single dedicated to s-town (DOWNTOWN) live so dress for the cams........

Is it me or was that invite in Morse code?

On another note: I've said time and time again that Ignorantics breed on Facebook. This same reader sent me an excerpt from a conversation on her wall where one of her friends told her that he was going to take the "hirer road" when she tried to correct his Ignorantics. He continued dropping bombs by asking her to "Play fare" after she corrected him on several occasions.

I want to thank this reader for taking the "hirer" road and putting her friend on BLAST!!!