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Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sometimes An Eraser Can Be a Reformed Ignorantic's Best Friend

I don't know about you, but I could just get waisted...oops, I mean wasted, by just looking at this sign again and again!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Hot off the Press: The New "N" Word!

There has been quite a bit of press about the "N" Word over the past few years. Some comedians have vowed never to use the word. Organizations like the NAACP have organized campaigns to abolish its use. Lately, whenever a public figure or entertainer utters the word, there is a huge public outcry followed by carefully worded apologies and contrition.

...but what really gulls me is when there is no public outcry when an Ignorantic drops the "N" bomb. Shouldn't we get an apology? Shouldn't there be a public statement read that shows remorse for the act. Now, I know what you are thinking, but I am not about to go there with this post. I am talking about the ignorantics' "N Word"....well, it's actually not a word, it is part of a word. It's a shortcut; a drop off; lazy speech; it kinda just hangs on the word...you all have heard it before, right? Here it is:
  • I have noth'n to say
  • Where are you go'n?
  • Oh, no she di'n!
  • I can't stand all this wait'n!
  • Are you com'n?
  • I'm just say'n
  • Stop complain'n
  • I'm fit'n to come to your house
  • She was driv'n her new car
  • I know she ain't tell'n all my business
  • What chu eat'n?
So, now that you have heard some of my "N" Words, feel free to comment and add more "N" words after reading this blog.

We must put an end to the use of the "N" words!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

HAPPY FANKSGIVING!

The first ignorantic has just been committed during the holidays. I had to make a last minute run to the grocery store this morning and the cashier wished me a "Happy Fanksgiving"! Who says that you have to be correct when wishing someone well on a holiday? Is there a rule for that? Apparently NOT. Why use the "th" when the "f" is so much easier to pronounce? 

Never met an ignorantic that wasn't happy! Wrong but happy! Remember, ignorantics never take off for the holidays!


Happy Thanksgiving to all of my Ignorantics readers!

Monday, November 15, 2010

So...Alaska's Chief Ignorantic is Getting a New Offer She Can't Refudiate!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_theticket/20101115/pl_yblog_theticket/almost-5-million-people-watched-sarah-palins-alaska

The New Oxford American Dictionary has named "refudiate" 2010's Word of the Year. This is the academy award for ignorantics. Getting acknowledgement from a reputable dictionary can and will set an ignorantic back years. I hope there is someone in Palin's camp who will be able to handle the possible blowback from this honor. It will undoubtedly do her more harm than good. It may even lead to a Palin Dictionary...[a moment of silence]


Why can't more mainstream ignorantics get a nod in the Webster-Merriam or Oxford American Dictionary? The words we create are much more creative, aren't they?...I'm moving to Alaska!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I Never Met a KennyGarten Child I Didn't Like!

How many of you have children who either went to kennygarten or kindergarden? Believe it or not both terms are synonymous in the ignorantic's world...and yes, they do co-exist.

There is no rhyme or reason to its use. It is just an ignorantic word staple that is embedded deep into the fabric of society.

Don't "ack" like you don't say it! LOL!

"Come Clam Up into My Cheer Little Boy"

I am starting this blog post with a question? Should Santa be required to speak correctly? I mean, when we employ the mall Santas, or any Santa for that matter, should they be subjected to a speech test? Educational requirements (which quite frankly doesn't mean much these days as most ignorantics have college degrees)?Ok...but nothing really difficult; just an examination on average conversations...subject/verb agreement...verb tense...for example, like the proper way to invite a child to sit on your lap.

Now, we all are familiar with seafood. Personally, my familiarity with seafood stops at sight because I am allergic to seafood. However, I do know what "clams" look like, and I do know that "clams" are seafood. Furthermore, I know that during the holidays, most people are filled with holiday "cheer" and the Christmas spirit. However, as we begin the Christmas season in a few weeks, I am reminded of a Santa Claus who met my son last year at the local mall. My son really wanted to talk to Santa so I finally took him over to the Santa, and Santa shouted "Hey little boy, come `clam' up into my `cheer' and tell me what Santa can bring you!" My son, being the child of a reformed ignorantic, very boldly remarked "clam? you are so silly Santa Clause, I don't want any clams?" Then, the Santa looked up at me with that "deer in the headlights" look and said "Did I say clam...I meant to say `clambed'"

[***blank stare*** and a pause for a station break or medication]

Yes...he went there...; he put an incorrect word into past tense when speaking in the present tense. No, he made up a word. No, he improperly used a noun and made it into a verb incorrectly...No, he did what all ignorantics do...he said what flowed off his tongue, what was familiar to him, what he heard over and over in his environment, and he did it on Christmas Eve!

Although its a little early to be telling a Christmas story. I hope I didn't ruin your Christmas cheer...I would hate to interfere with any child's ability to clam into Santa's lap and tell him what he or she wants for Christmas.

Thanksgiving is on a Thirsty!

Breaking News!!!! According to the young woman pumping gas next to me this morning, Thanksgiving is on a Thirsty!

I asked her to repeat the statement and like a true ignorantic, she repeated it with emphasis "I SAID, Thanksgiving is on a T-H-I-R-S-T-E-E"! To which I replied, "Oh, snap, I thought it was on a Friday this year"...she then said, "No, gurl, Black Friday is on a Friday!"

Stopped pumping gas. Got receipt. Closed my door. Headed home. Laid down.

Now, where is my bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol?