Monday, October 31, 2011

Breaking News: Women Are Now Having Sea-Sections! I know that these little ones swim around a bit inside their Mommy's tummy, but one Ignorantic has taken that vision to a new level. Now, according to this Ignorantic, women can have "Sea-sections"!

Sea...birth canal...Wow! It kinda makes sense, ignorantically need to get any more "Pacific" about this one!

Halloween is a Scurry Time for Ignorantics!

Stay away from those haunted houses on Halloween because when an Ignorantic is "scurd", they really start dropping "I" bombs!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

It's Sad When You are Un Unducated...

Wow...this one has you reaching for your pills, doesn't it? "un unducated"? Really? Now, you know you are uneducated when the speaker wants to "un" you twice! Two "uns" for emphasis, right?

Now, let's explore the definition of "un": 

a prefix freely used in English to form verbs expressing a reversal of some action or state, or removal, deprivation, release, etc.(unbend; uncork; unfasten, etc.), or to intensify the force of averb already having such a meaning (unloose).

Well, if you ask me, the only thing in reversal here is this Ignorantic's vocabulary. She needed to be thrown under the bus for this is so unnecessary; so totally unacceptable; so unbelievable; so unreal that an educated woman would be so un unducated! 
It's unlikely that she'll ever read why do I bother? It must be that unconditional love I have for Ignorantics....[sigh]

They Come to Pick up the "Bunk" Trash on Thursdays!

Once again, we have another reader putting her Momma on BLAST...yes, that's right, her Momma [it is all outta love though] but anywho, our next Ignorantic has a habit of referring to the week's big items that are put out to trash as the "bunk trash".

[pause]...well, instead of bulk trash, maybe she was thinking she could stack her "bunk trash" like bunk beds, right? word association is the key to figuring out ignorantics folks. Just go with the flow.

...its almost like a game of Scrabble...

I Don't Eat Cafeteria Food Because I'm Real "Frigid" About My Food!

Food is a funny animal, and everyone has an opinion about it. Today, folks don't just eat anything or eat anywhere...enter our next Ignorantic who is very "frigid" about HER FOOD! I mean, she gets all cold and tingling when she thinks about eating cafeteria style food.

Maybe its just me but she does seem a little "fickle" about her food?

Friday, October 21, 2011

More Ignorantic Names: Baby Moammarique

A registered nurse who is an Ignorantics reader and who works at Hospital X in the maternity wing, just told me that one of the mothers asked her for the correct spelling of former Libyan leader, Moammar Gadhafi (not sure of this spelling because I have seen it spelled a number of ways).

This mother was distraught over the images she saw on TV of the slain leader and decided that it would be a good idea to name her newborn daughter "Moammarique".

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Special Bday Anniversary Shoutout to Little L...Justice is Better Served When You Take a Flea Bargain!

Now, this is a special ignorantic shout out to "Little L" whose birthday anniversary is TODAY, and her daughter, who shares the same birthday with Little L, wanted to remember her Momma in a very humorous way by putting her on blast for one of her  famous ignorantic terms.

My attorney friends will get a kick out of the fact that the next time they ask their clients to take one of Little L's "flea bargains", they can rest assure that their clients will have received justice.

Nothing soothes the heart more than to remember our loved ones fondly. I believe that Little L is laughing and looking down on us right now "scratching" her head and wondering why we all think her court justice "flea bargains" are so darn funny.

Love you and miss you Little L...we will never forget YOU and this ignorantic term!

In memory of Little L, please support the fight against Breast Cancer: Susan G. Komen for the Cure

Monday, October 17, 2011

Did You Know that you have to Require a Taste for Beets!

I have always known that beets are good for you, and that everyone should eat them, BUT I never knew that I had to "require" a taste for them.

I guess that is what my Momma meant by the phrase "you are required to eat vegetables and fruits in this house". I guess I developed my "required" taste early in life!

I am a Proud Illuminati of _________ University!

I am a PROUD alumni of Lincoln University in Pennsylvania, but one of my readers just informed me that she overhead a college-educated person claiming to be a proud "illuminati" of __________ University. Really? Illuminati? As in the secret group that purportedly organized a plot to rule the world through world events?

In this example, the name of the University has been withheld so as not to tarnish its reputation. SMH.


Here is the job post I saw this morning:

Need a driver who can drive his own car for sedan .Work fom 5pm to 1am .Pay only $40 ..Must be responsible and preferd above the age of 30.Just license is o-k.The driver must have j p s and cellphone.
Ok...Dear Job Poster, the only folks who will reply to this post are people who truly are "preferd", and more importantly, when you find a driver who is willing to drive for you from 5 pm. - 1 am for $40 who also happens to have a "JPS", you will have hit the ignorantic JACKPOT!

Good Luck!

Rick Ross Has Been Hospitalized, and One of his Fans Thinks He had a "Ceaser"

First, let me say that Rick Ross being hospitalized is not funny nor is he an fact, I sincerely hope that he will be okay....

[That being said] Enter...stage right...the Ignorantic FAN who tweeted "Damn Rick Ross had a ceaser and passed out on the airplane..."

Really "Most Hated"? A ceaser? What were you thinking when you tweeted this? a haircut, the famous Roman General, salad dressing [invert the a & e]? Most Hated, Ignorantics like you never "cease" to amaze me. Ceaser is not even close to "seizure"! Not even close! Oh, and did I mention that it is also NOT a word!

FANS, I know you mean well, and you want to let your favorite celeb know you are thinking about them, but if you are unsure about what ails them, just tweet "Get Well Soon", and leave it at that.

Update: Rick Ross has been listed in stable condition. Get well soon Rick. We are all praying for your speedy recovery. Link: Update on Rick Ross

When You Hire an Interior Designer, Please do not ask for "Gecko-Roman" Decor!

I know we all tend to get a little excited when we take on a new home improvement project, but do we really have to make things up?

This Ignorantic was turned in by her hubby for telling their interior designer that she wanted "gecko-roman" decor in their living room. I don't know about y'all but the only "gecko" that I know of is a lizard that crawls...

I asked my Ignorantic whistleblower to invite me over after the interior designer finishes their reptilian layout. I bet I will be "green" with envy!

Are You Going to Order An "Apple-tizer" Before the Main Course?

Ok, you can "blame it on the alcohol" but this Ignorantic can ONLY blame this on the fact that she is a denial about her growing propensity to drop Ignorantic bombs.

I won't call any names, but the person who dropped this Ignorantic bomb at dinner with a drink in her hand, has dropped a few "I" bombs within a span of one week and her husband/whistleblower doesn't mind putting her antics on BLAST!

Beware spousal Ignorantics, your husbands and your wives want you to seek help! How can they enjoy their "apple-tizers" when you are constantly dropping "I" bombs?

For better or "worser", right?

When I come to Town, I will Touch "Basis" With You!

Have you ever heard the saying "touch bases" or "touch base"? It is kinda associated with the picture to the left...meaning that a runner in baseball is required to go back and touch the base with his foot after a hitter hits a pop fly that is caught (i.e., returning to the place you were at before in order to check in, as required by custom)...that is the meaning behind the phrase, BUT I don't think I've ever "touched basis" with anyone...especially in an email when I am addressing my employees as an administrator.

Typo reality check: The "i" and the "e" aren't even close to each other on the keypad for this to be blamed on a typo. This qualifies as a full blown Ignorantic.

I'll never be able to watch a baseball game the same way after this...

Ignorantic administrators BEWARE; your employees are embarassed by your ignorantics and they are putting you on BLAST!

At "Lease" You Can Say You Proofread Before You Submitted Your Paper!

Folks, proofreading is almost as fundamental as reading these days, but nothing is worse than an Ignorantic who thinks they are on top of their game and they want to correct YOU.

Enter Professor Ignorantic who told her students in an email that in their papers "at lease they will be able to say they did a thorough job because they proofread their work before submitting it".

Kinda begs the question, doesn't it?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

She is the "Spit and Image" of Her Mother!

For years, folks have been saying "You are the spitting image of ____..." but for one Ignorantic, that saying was completely turned on its head.

Picture this...I am at a birthday party for one of my son's school friends, and one of the mothers remarks "Gurl, your son is the spit and image of you!"

Now, I know what you are thinking...maybe she said "spit'n"....Well, no...she very emphatically said "SPIT AND IMAGE" with emphasis on the "AND"...

Ignorantics are now changing ageless cliches...SMH

Ignorantics With "Old-Timers Disease" Forget Things

I hear the most ignorantic conversations while I am in the pharmacy. Mind boggling stuff... Alzheimer's Disease is challenging to spell, but why can't we say it correctly? Old Timers is not even close...SMH

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Most Ignorantic Name I Have Ever Heard Thus Far...Drum Roll Please!

Today, I heard the most ignorantic name that I have ever heard in my life; so ignorant that it is truly criminal.

A young mother in Maryland actually named her baby daughter, "Abcd (pronounced Ab[ab]-sea[c]-dee[d]) Jones". I confirmed this by looking at a copy of the birth certificate. I did change the last name to protect the child of the Ignorantic mother (although this name is so ignorant, it can't be too hard to find the poor child)

The problems this child is going to have with this name over the years are endless...job resume issues, commencement exercise mispronunciations , attendance roll call, etc.

This is shameful. A...B...C....D....

Sunday, October 2, 2011

You got Yours and I got Mines!

Now, how many times have you heard this? This is on the top ten list for most uttered words or phrases by an Ignorantic! Makes me wanna reach for the Goody Powder!

Get it right Ignorantics! Get it right!

Ignorantics Frequently Take Things Out of Content

Big Wow y'all...heard this whopper the other day and had to add it to the list. What was she thinking? Maybe taking something out of "context"? Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!

October is Going to be a Cold Mont

I have been hearing folks say this for years...where does this come from? Why can't we put that "h" on the word. Do you know any Ignorantics that say this?

Sheer lazi-dum (yes, I said it and I don't want you Ignorantics repeating it because it is NOT a word)