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Friday, July 29, 2011

Tyrese Doesn't Like Condesending People!

Ummm...Tyrese, I feel you...I don't particularly care for condesending spriteful people either.

Typo anyone?

Watch out for those Restaurants with too much UmBeyonce!

WARNING: My Ignorantic readers are everywhere! Especially on Twitter. I think another Ignorantic has been exposed . Of course her name has been redacted to protect her identity.

Kudos to Beyonce because ignorantics are finding numerous ways to incorporate her name in their language. First, there was the feyonce...now this...Gotta love restaurants with umbeyonce (or however u spell it) though!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Please Ask Your Representative to Raise the Deck Ceiling!

Folks, how affective can we be when we can't speak or write? If you are unsure, than do what your Momma told you back in the day and don't say anything.

I believe that my representative in the House and Senate is going to do the right thing when it comes to the debt ceiling, but it doesn't do them or us any good when we send emails to their constituents (I was among 75 on the email list) asking us to email our representatives to get them to vote to raise the "deck ceiling".

Cards anyone?

I am Engaged! Now My Feyonce and I Hang Out All The Time!

See the person pictured to the left. That is Beyonce. She is an extremely talented, multi-platinum recording artist. Remember...her name is Beyonce.

Next, let's explore what a very chronic Ignorantic did. She texted to one of my readers the following message: "I did allot today. I Should be out with my feyonce or something." I won't address the "allot" word in this post because there is a much bigger issue: Beyonce and Feyonce? Folks, this takes Ignorantics to new atrocious level. You know this Ignorantic obviously is a music lover and buys more Beyonce albums/downloads than they spend time reading or writing.

I wonder if her "Feyonce" "purposed"?

Friday, July 22, 2011

There's No Cure for Cramps When You Are on Your Administration Cycle!

I'll spare you the graphics, but this really needs no explanation because you can figure it out for yourself. As I was shopping in Rite-Aid today, a young woman was looking for feminine products in the store. As she approached my aisle, I overheard her telling her teenage daughter that she had cramps because she was on her "administration cycle". *STOP*

Monday, July 18, 2011

It Was a Typo! I Know How to Right!

During our daily routine, many of us check Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and our emails. When we are reading, we can count on being treated to a few typos. It is inevitable.

Now, what are typos? I define a typo as a mistaken striking of the keypad that causes one to strike 1-2 keys  in error, and usually the correct key is in "close proximity" to the key hit in error. An essential element of committing these errors is that the person doing the typing knows the difference between the correct word and the typo. An example of a typo would be to type "gello" instead of "hello" or "bear" instead of "near". When discussing typos, the operative word is "close proximity". Close means the wrong key has to be at least 1-2 keys from the intended key strike. It seems rather elementary, right? Just stay with me...

The reason why this is important is because of a new category of Ignorantics, the Narcissistic Ignorantic. This Ignorantic will make up a word that sounds just like the correct word and mask it as a "typo". Moreover, when they are caught, called out, or perhaps ridiculed for their alleged "typo", their reply invariably will be "well you know what I meant"; "I think it is silly for you to point out my typos". Really?

So, I begin my trek through typo land...a world rout with deception, narcissism, and denial. Walk with me readers....There may be a few land mines, but rest assure that nothing can and will separate you from the truth or should I say ignorance.

Recently, on a listserve that I subscribe to, one of the members talked about "waste length hair" and in another post, the person mentioned that they needed to "Neill and pray". Now this is a listserve of college educated people, but I have been telling you all for the last year that many of the chronic Ignorantics are college educated people. Here is what happened...Had this person not had to write how they felt, they would have escaped undetected, but since they had to type their thoughts, the jig was up...they had finally been exposed as a Narcissistic Ignorantic.

Is there a cure? therapy? practice? peer counseling? anything? Unfortunately, the answer is a resounding "NO". Why you ask? Narcissistic Ignorantics think it's cute to be ignorant! It is like putting a positive spin or speaking incorrectly. They speak and write with no aforethought for what is correct, then they blame it on the person who brings it to their attention.

Believe or not, typos have become a new written language. I will continue to blog about typos, and I encourage my readers to email their stories. There is one typo-holic born every second, and it's up to us to expose them!

Ode to Ignorantics With Spellcheck: Candidate for a Pullet Surprise

Candidate for a Pullet Surprise

Jerrold H. Zar
Northern Illinois University

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker's
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault's with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.

-- Jerrold H. Zar
Department of Biological Sciences
Northern Illinois University
DeKalb, IL 60115-2864
jhzar@niu.edu

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Facebook Ignorantics...The Stuff We "LIKE" to Read

On Facebook, what does the "status" post mean to you? I believe it means that you post how you are feeling or what you are doing at the moment, right? Not for the Ignorantic. For them, it is a time to be a poet, life coach, relationship expert, drive-by psychiatrist...with no regard for who CAN'T read what they are writing.

In many instances, it is also a time for some Ignorantics to engage in an ignorantic cleanse...to vent, to express themselves. It is an opportunity to just write freely....grammar, verb tense, spelling be DAMNED. 

Case in point...Meet my first Facebook offender, for the purposes of this post, and in the interest of protecting his ignorantic identity, we'll call him "Coulda Woulda Should'nt Have":

WE GONNA TRY THIS ONE MORE TIMES, IS ANYBODYS LISTNIN? (RELATIONSHIPS ONLY LAST UNTILL ONE OR THE OTHER CAN'TS HAVE, ITS WAY, AFTER DAT, ITS ALL DOWN HILLS, WEATHER U REALIZE IT OR NOT. SOME SAY, OHH, I JUST LETS IT GOES, IM NOT WORRIED BOUT DAT, BUT IN DAT BACK OF THE REJECT'EE'S HEADS, ITS A RAP 4 U, SO NEXT PLS, LOL
Great advice, you say? Did you "LIKE" that? More importantly, did you understand it? Are you still breathing? Hard to believe isn't it? As I read it, I asked myself "why bother with punctuation?" If you are going to drive down that Ignorantic Highway in the status lane, why cross the dotted line and pass the grammar car just to punctuate? Keep it simple. Stay in one lane, use caps, periods, run-ons, verb tense flips, several "DATS" for artistic form and keep it moving. After all, instead of a ticket, you might just get the coveted "LIKE" from your friends...and for the Facebook Ignorantic, that is as important as an oil change!

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Casey Anthony Trial & Judge Belvin Perry

Several of my Ignorantics readers have either texted or emailed me about the antics of Judge Belvin Perry in the Casey Anthony trial. I have learned that he uses the ignorantic "pacifically as opposed to specifically", "AnFERny as opposed to Anthony" "eefer as opposed to either" and on the video in this post, he uses words like "wiff as opposed to with", etc. etc.

Now, I am sure many of you are wondering how someone sitting on the bench could be capable of such a flurry of ignorantics. Well, the answer is quite simple...He might have been practicing law, but he sure wasn't practicing English.

The following video is full of ignorantics, both spoken and acted out...Between the judge and the woman being questioned, there are enough ignorantics to fill a jail cell. Words cannot describe this video. You will just have to watch...

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Show Your Love for Mr. Loofa Vandross!

One of my favorite entertainers of all time is the late Luther Vandross. Yesterday, was the six year anniversary of his death, and Ignorantics all over the world chose to honor him by saying "I love me some Loofa Vandross!" "That was my favorite Loofa song!"

Thank God these same Ignorantics cannot touch his music (butcher his name, but not touch his music)...[sigh]


We miss you Mr. Luther Vandross: