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Friday, January 31, 2014

Christian Ignorantics: "Spare the Raft, Spoil the Child..."

Recently, I posted something on my Facebook wall about threatening your child with a spanking. Several hours later, I received an inbox that stated "Girl, when I was young, our Momma used to whoop on us on a regular. I think ever child deserves discipline not abuse. The Bible says SPARE THE RAFT, SPOIL THE CHILD".

I hear ya Girl! And you need to get in that raft and go find Proverbs 13:24 where it says that "he that spareth his rod..." I don't know...perhaps, she was thinking about the "raft" of God. I try to find close phonetic correlation in every ignorantic story...it helps soothe the pain.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Toddler Ignorantics!

                                                                                                                          *hollering*

The Perfect Ignorantic Father's Day Gift!

I know it's early, but one of my readers sent in this gem. These mugs can be purchased in Marshall's. All I can say is...Dad may be wise, but the manufacturer of this mug is not. 

Someone give me a Sharpie please for revisions!!!! 

[Note to Marshall's: If I see this mug, it better be on Clearance...'cause I will be asking for a reduction in price]

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Be Careful on that Bike!!!!

Safety FIRST!!!

I Don't Have a Lullaby!

Here is a conversation that took place between a teacher and his student in class (He calls it his "Teacher Moment" of the Week):

Teacher: You have no excuse for not doing
your homework last night.

Student: Uh huh... Yes I did.

Teacher: What?

Student: I was doing something important.

Teacher: You don't even have an alibi.

Student: I thought that was a song you sing to babies.

Teacher: Class: YOU MEAN LULLABY!

The Message from this Dialogue According to the Teacher: Don't sing your kids alibis.


Wednesday, January 22, 2014

This Business is Closed To Inquisitive Weather!

Are any of you as "curious" as I am about the location of this business? And furthermore if it's closed to inquisitive weather, may we "ask" when will the business be open again? I'd hate for the inclement weather to be a hindrance to the opening of this business. #SoManyQuestions

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I Guess Ignorantics Aren't Afraid of GOD...

So, a few days ago, I received a text message that a friend of mine was in the ICU. The message was rather cryptic, and it was from an unknown number. So, I called the hospital and they confirmed that my friend is in ICU but they could not give me any details over the phone.

The next day, I went to the hospital to see my friend. When I got there, and before I got to her room, I was told that her sister sent a mass text from her phone (a new number) to everyone on her contacts list to come and see her in the ICU. I was also informed that she was brain dead. I prepared myself for the worse, put on the protective gear and mask, and then I entered her room. There were several people in her room. Most of the people were praying. None of her friends are willing to accept what doctors were saying was the inevitable. So, we joined hands and prayed. Her body began to twitch a little. We all started rejoicing! That was a sign! Joy filled the room, and then...ignorantics stepped in. At a time when ignorantics are not welcome; when folks are joyful yet sad, experience has taught me that is an open door for ignorantics...

So, one of her friends continues to pray and rub her leg. She states [and I quote] "_____, you got to slow down gurl. God is trying to send you a message. His ASS wants you to take your medicine and listen to your doctors". Instantly, a collective gasp could be heard in the room, and in the back of my mind I could hear the sound of screeching brakes. Suddenly, my friend's eyes opened WIDE as if to say, "Did this heffa just say 'his ass'?" "Aw, hayle NO!" Then, my friend closed her eyes. That is when the ignorantic fervent prayer began to get happy.  She exclaimed "She heard me! She heard me!" One of the ladies in the room mumbled under her breathe "Yeah, and GOD heard you too.." *eye roll*

Within minutes, folks immediately began filing out of the room in droves as if to say, "you ain't gonna have GOD mad at me 'cause you are ignorant!" Is it too much to ask that we not be profane in our prayers?

#PrayingforHealing



Saturday, January 11, 2014

Thursday, January 9, 2014

I Have 80HD!

Perhaps 78 other folks have ADHD too...

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Ignorantic Invitations

If you don't want to try the Mercedes Limo Van, please do not forget to send your regrets...

Question: Is proofreading taboo now?

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Do You Remember Ola Ray?

Michael, forgive her...
And iTunes, how are those sales going?

I'm Just Going to Call This Post "I Can't"

This is another Ignorantic sent in by a reader. I really don't know what to make of this. The author is obviously mad, but the mine field of Ignorantics in this paragraph is astounding. 

It's hard to believe that adults write like this. I believe that it is only the beginning of what is yet to come. It is clear that folks ignore the spell check and grammar tools, Google Search, and the dictionary. I am not perfect by any means (hence my disclaimer in this Blog), but I don't write like this.

I am also finding that posts like this are growing in popularity. People feel the need to "get with someone" or "tell someone off" but they are not doing so intelligently. Due diligence demands that you at least follow the spell check indicators. When the author of this post began typing, she should have seen several red "swiggly" lines that would indicate that there were spelling errors. However, she chose to ignore that and continue her tirade.

Now, I am not well versed on Biblical passages to challenge her on the references, but I can tell you that the spelling and grammatical errors were glaring. Add to that the fact that two people "LIKED" the comment.

I started writing this Blog in 2010, and in 2014, Ignorantics has grown expeditiously. I'm not proud of that, but it is a fact that I guess we will be talking, laughing, and discussing for decades to come.


Friday, January 3, 2014

Why English is Hard To Learn...by Anonymous

This was sent to me by one of my readers. It is a keeper. Please share.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

I Need An Amature Gonnacoligist!

Please make these phonetic spellers STOP!!!!! It's too early in the year for this!

Ignorantic Baby Names: Our First Ignorantic Baby Name of 2014

A screenshot from a local news broadcast...*sigh* Folks, they are starting early with little impunity or regard for the life of their child. The practice of ignorantic naming has officially begun. God Bless Little So-Unique born 12:43 pm January 1, 2014.

[Side note: I hope this is a joke, and this is not a real birth announcement. I still hold out hope for humanity.]

How Old is The Earth?

A moment of silence for $afiyyah please...

Do You Ever Have Interior Motives?

At least we know what's "inside" his heart.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

When TOO Much is Just TOO Much...

Good grief, and to appear on a reader's timeline just before our TOP TWENTY IGNORANTICS for 2013. #Irony

The TOP TWENTY Ignorantics for 2013

Every year, we ask our readers to submit their favorites for the TOP IGNORANTICS for the year. It's a difficult decision, but someone has to do it! Well, here it is [BTW, I encourage you all to look through the Archives and enjoy the walk down Ignorantics lane]:

1. Quiet, I Need to Make a Mute Point 
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/01/quieti-need-to-make-mute-point.html

2. Egg-zackly!
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/01/egg-zackly.html

3. New Year's Revolution
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/01/here-is-my-new-years-revolution.html

4. During Clementine weather, we cannot...
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/01/ever-heard-of-clementine-weather.html

5. Someone call a blacksmith, I'm locked outside my office
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/01/somebody-call-blacksmith-im-locked-out.html

6. Submitting your annointed bibliography
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/02/submitting-anointed-bibliography-might.html

7. You Get Your College Transcriptions from the Register's Office
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/02/did-you-know-that-you-can-get-your.html

8. Aboarding a Baby
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/02/aboarding-baby-can-be-tough-decision.html

9. She's getting a Tubal Litigation (Steve Harvey)
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/03/she-had-tubal-litigation-procedure.html

10. Coupons on my Salad
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-love-coupons-on-my-salad.html

11. The Raft of GOD!
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/04/grab-your-oars-because-raft-of-god-is.html

12. During Childbirth...cut the AndBuildAdaCord
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/08/during-childbirth-they-always-cut.html

13. Cancer of the Limp Notes
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/09/she-has-cancer-in-her-limp-notes.html

14. Slavery vs. Hall A Cost
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/10/slavery-vs-hall-of-cost.html

15. He Must Have a Speech Peppermint
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/10/he-must-have-speech-peppermint.html

16. I'm Constipated...I Need to take an Entenmann's
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/11/help-im-constipatedi-need-to-take.html

17. You Have No Calm & Sense
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/11/sum-of-yall-need-to-use-more-calm-sense.html

18. Ignorantic Names: Jhada
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/12/more-ignorantic-names-jhada-and-wait.html

19. That's a Races Comment
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/03/that-was-races-comment.html

20. She is Bi-Poland
Link: http://ignorantics.blogspot.com/2013/04/i-think-she-may-be-bi-poland.html

Cemetery Glamour Shots

Nothing says "Happy New Year" like a glamour photo at the cemetery! [Side Note: Grave markers aside, this is a nice picture.]