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Monday, January 31, 2011

Oh No He Didn't?...Did He Just Say Faggediss?

We go to church to hear the word of God, as well as, the minister's interpretation of the word of God. However, what happens when the interpretation "gets lost in translation"?

Check out this YouTube clip of Pastor Tony Smith in Dekalb County, GA.  The sermon is supposed to be about Bishop Eddie Long, but that message, in my opinion, gets lost in the layers of ignorantics:

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Follow up: Jennifer Hudson's "Where You At?"...Oh No She Didn't!

I just read a post in Patti Jackson's 411 where Patti announces the release of JHud's new single and calls it "Where You Are" instead of "Where You At?" Was that a subtle correction? auto-spellcheck, grammar? editing? Whatever it was it is a LOL moment! Let's hope R. Kelly saw it and understood it!

Here is the link to the Blog post:
Patti Jackson's 411

Note: I am referring to the post that is just to the left of Eric Benet's engagement announcement. Congrats Eric!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Flava Flav's Cooking & Serving Up Fried Chicken!

Well, this clip needs no commentary. The ignorantics speak for themselves. At the very end of the video, Flava Flav talks about making that crunchy chicken that makes the crumbs fall out of your mouth onto the table and floor...he proudly exclaims "that's how good it be!". Really Flava?  If anyone happens to visit his new restaurant in Clinton, Iowa, please drop us a comment with your critique of this crunchy chicken.
 
Read More on Flava's new business here: Flava Flav Gives Clinton First Taste of Chicken Chain

Monday, January 24, 2011

Jennifer Hudson's New Single "Where You At?"


When an ignorantic songwriter/producer meets a talented artist, they produced singles like "Where You At?" I am ashamed to admit this, but I love this song (despite the fact that it was written and produced by R. Kelly)! It features the soulful, undeniable talent of Jennifer Hudson. I love everything about it, but what I don't like is that I know children will be singing this catchy grammatically incorrect chorus everywhere.


Growing up in a household where your mother is a public school teacher, you quickly learn that "where you at" is a grammatical "No! No!" Whenever anyone dared say "where you at?" around my mother, her response was "behind the preposition!"


I know that some of you are saying "C'mon...it is just a song!" Well, you are right, it is just a song performed by a popular artist who kids, adults, and ignorantics admire for her talent and her incredible journey. Can you picture Sasha and Malia Obama singing "Where You At?" around the White House?


Here's a Thought: Maybe JHud should release a follow-up remix to this single called "Where Are You? (Grammatical Remix)" featuring Lil Wayne. I'm just saying...


Jennifer Hudson Official Music Store: Official JHud Music Store
Go Here to Listen to the Single: YouTube Video of Single of "Where You At?"

Friday, January 21, 2011

BREAKING NEWS: Jersey Shore's Chief Ignorantic, Snooki, is a NYT's Best Seller!

[You can pinch yourself now] No, you are not dreaming...this is actually true. Snooki, that flummox of ignorantical bliss is a New York Times best selling author! Ignorantics all over the world are standing up and swooning in virtual bliss!

She is the star of the hit MTV show "Jersey Shore", and a wonder to behold with ignorantic statements like:

  • "My boobs are so tight I can't breathe. Is that normal?
  •  "I'm not trashy, unless I drink too much."
  • "I'm not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat like insects or something ... so I was gonna feed them worms."
  • "My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot, tanned guy and live my life."
 
[**BLANK STARE**] Wow! Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

This Week We Celebrated "Marther" Luther King's Birthday!

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated on April 4, 1968. He is an important figure in history and was a transcendant leader in the Civil Rights Movement. Why are some of y'all trying to kill him again by butchering his name? That ain't cool....and just because you heard it doesn't make it right. Ignorantics, when we say "if history is forgotten, then it is doomed to repeat itself",we are not just talking in a metaphorical sense, we are also talking about Ignorantics who repeat ignorant things over and over again and remain unchecked. 
 
Twitter Tweets:
 
Brandon David Wilson
Tonight, I've learned that many of my students think MLK's first name is "Marther."
 
Garry Baratta
I have a dream - Marther Luther King Jr
 
Diana Caracalla
just like Marther Luther King Jr
 
nina haider
We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends ~ Marther Luther King
 
 
Then, hundreds of messages followed with quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. that were attributed to Marther Luther King. One Tweeter added that her grandmother calls him "Marther Lutin King".

[Let us pause for a moment of silence AGAIN]

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

You Can't Cry Over Spilled Ink: Tales of an Ignorantic Tattoo Artist

Ignorantics who commit permanent errors are the worst ignorantics in the world. Permanent errors are commonly committed by ignorantics who have not had the luxury of spell check, Google, or a dictionary. One profession that often falls under this category is the ignorantic tattoo artist. A tattoo artist can be the worst offender because their act of ignorantical maiming is permanent. Whatever they draw or write on your skin will never go away, and it cannot be removed; so you will wear the ignorantic wording on your body like a "Scarlet Letter" for the rest of your life. 

How do you keep this from happening? One way of preventing this irreversible catastrophe is to do what Kindergarten teachers do with their students; you write the word correctly for the tattoo artist on a piece of paper. Second, if you know that your tattoo artist is an ignorantic but they draw beautifully, you should ask them to stay away from calligraphy. Calligraphy will confuse an ignorantic and induce them to add extra curves for style that will eventually turn into letters that are incorrect. 

I would hate to see this happen to any of my readers, so here is another suggestion. If you know you are going to an ignorantic tattoo artist, give the artist the gift that keeps on giving, a pocket size dictionary. It is better than a tip and trust me they will love you for it. Just imagine...you can prevent future mishaps and permanent scars on other bodies. Any words that are unfamiliar or hard for them to say in a sentence, they can quickly refer to the dictionary and instantly a catastrophe has been averted. 

Also, when dealing with an ignorantic tattoo artist, stay away from foreign languages. If they can't spell it correctly in English, what makes you think it will be spelled correctly in a foreign language? Suggesting a foreign language to an ignorantic tattoo artist is like giving crack to a crack addict. Both know it is no good for them, but they just gotta take the trip. A trip that will lead to nowhere. Don't do it...save yourself the embarrassment of being detained in a foreign country because your tattoos have somehow offended someone or some government inadvertently. 

Here are more examples of people who weren't so lucky:

...and finally, look at this next infraction. This ignorantic spent so much time confused about the spelling, his misspelling became "art". The tattoo says "...and it's better to be rediculous..." This is a classic case of misplaced ignoranticism. This tattoo artist was so focused on the red rose that those thoughts transcended into the words. Moreover, the tattoo has also become red with irritation making this tattoo a truly "rediculous" mess!


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

How Do You Stop Blood Clocks?

I swear to you...since I have been writing this blog, it seems like Ignorantics are stalking me. I run into an Ignorantic everyday now. It used to be every other day, maybe twice a week, but now, I am constantly running into them.



This morning, I am in the Rite-Aid getting a prescription filled. I'm standing in line, and once again, there is someone loud and wrong in line with me. Dressed in thigh highs with heels she has worn down to the nail, a honey blonde weave, and a gold sparkler on the side (her gold tooth), she asks the pharmacist: "'Secuze me...but do you sell anything to stop blood clocks?" The pharmacist looked down through his reading glasses and said "No Ma'am..., other than wound care, you should probably see a doctor if you think you have blood clots" Then she said " I did. That is why I am here to get my high blood pressure subscription filled!" **DEAD**

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Have You Ever Been Really Frusgraded?

Have you ever been frusgraded? I have not, but apparently, the young lady who was in the line at Food Lion this afternoon whose card was declined twice was very "frusgraded".

The cashier ran the card the first time and it appeared to be a card error, but when she tried it again, it said "DECLINED". Well, you might guess that there is nothing that says embarrassing like a DECLINED when you are in a long line in front of several people.

So, in a very exasperated tone she exclaimed "This is so damn frusgrading!" "Just frusgrading!" Then, she turn to me and repeated the ignorantic. So, I said "I would imagine that it could be very frustrating..." Surprisingly, she turned and corrected me saying "No, I said frusgrading...there is a difference..." As I stood there in shock, the cashier jumped in and said "You are right, there is a difference, when your card has been declined three times because you know you have no money on it, it is frusgrading; it only becomes frustrating when it is our error!"

For Ignorantics, "Big Boned" is the New Plus Size!

Each time that I travel the Twitter highway, I run across something interesting...something Ignorantic. Yesterday was no different. As my Tweets were coming in at lightning speed, one tweet caught my eye from LifeLOL:



Life LOL
I hate it when people say they aren't fat, but they're big boned. I don't know about everyone else but I've never seen a fat skeleton.

Aside from being absolutely hilarious (the comment from LifeLOL), this is a classic ignorantic that has been used for decades. Where did this come from? Perhaps, it may have originated from the characterization of having a small, medium or large frame. It may have something to do with the fact that a healthy weight is somehow determined by the size of your frame, but there is no medical term or measurement called "Big-Boned". From its ignorantic use, it would appear that it is being used as an adjective. However, "boned" is not an adjective, it is a verb. The verb "boned" means "to remove the bones from" or "to stiffen with stays"[1] Now, we all know that "boned" is also in the urban dictionary. Dare I say that its inclusion in the urban dictionary may have something to do with the verb definition of "boned"?  In any event, ladies and gents, stop thinking of yourself as "big-boned", and start calling yourself "Large Framed"


[1] http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Boned

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Don't You Dare Challenge The Republican's Mendacity!!

My fellow Ignorantics...this is a good one for a few reasons. First, it is so totally wrong that it has become viral on YouTube. Second, because it is so totally wrong, it has forced millions of Ignorantics and educated people to look up the word "mendacity" and add it to their vocabulary! Isn't that nice? Finally, it is great because it proves that even the educated among us can be Ignorantics.

Lesson: Mendacity means LIE. So, when Rep. King was fired up about his colleagues' record in Congress, he committed a bit of a Freudian slip and said that his colleagues' mendacity was being challenged instead of his veracity (TRUTH). Isn't this rich?

How many of you get the opportunity to use "mendacity" in a sentence? Ignorantic, Rep. King, has given us ALL a vocabulary gift that we can use, but don't you dare let me see the following abuse: "Gurl, that man had the mandacity to tell me that he didn't like my dress!"

Ignorantics, let's make this a true "teachable" moment and stay in our lane. The double line represents new vocabulary that you don't use without consulting a Dictionary first. Mendacity is one of those words on the other side of the double line. In other words, no passing! Don't get happy with a new word you have never used before. Start with the basics and use Google. YourDictionary.com has a great piece called "Used in a Sentence". Make it your first New Year's bookmark. I don't want to see anyone commit a DWIs (Driving While Ignorant)!

Ted Williams Greatfully Appreciates ALL of His Recent Fame!



Now, this is a story that moved everyone in America, but I just could not ignore the sign...and neither should you!

Ted, I think I speak for most of America when I say that we are all pulling for your success, continued, sobriety, and well, maybe...could you? would you? please? get a dictionary or start using Google!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I Know that Reading is Fundamental, but on Twitter...

...spelling needs to be. To all my Twitter Junkies, I have one question: Can anyone spell on Twitter? I know there is a character restriction, but is that an excuse for spelling "the" "and" "me" "her" "his" and other two and three letter words incorrectly? I'm just saying...

I said it once and I'll say it again, Twitter provides food and shelter for the Ignorantic...its all warm and fuzzy for them in Tweetland, USA! SMH...

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Just Because it Sounds Right, Doesn't Make it Write!

If you had to read this Blog title more than once, you are an Ignorantic. This blog title is what I affectionately refer to as Ignorantic Alliteration.

Don't despair...Acceptance is the first step in admitting you are an Ignorantic, and it is a step in the right direction that this self-awakening is happening at the very beginning of the year...

For 2011, make "Google" your best friend and the homepage on your Internet Explorer. It will save your life.