Friday, June 29, 2012

Ignorantic Love Tattoos

There are no words for this...

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Proud Parents vs. Proud Ignorantic Parents

Every parent has a great sense of pride when their child reaches milestones and makes significant achievements. The bumper sticker to the left is one that we all have seen in many forms on a proud parents' bumper. It is the "I'm the proud parent of an honor roll student bumper sticker.

Well, not to be undone...enter the Ignorantic parent who is also full of pride and joy at her son's accomplishments except this time it is not for scholastic achievement, it is for being voted the "Prisoner of the Month"! ...and heck, who needs a bumper sticker when you can just go to the Dollar Store and get those peel and stick letters that can spell out anything you want! No sentence is too short or too long...or should I say no paragraph, as in this and distractibility is not a problem! Congrats #45678908875! You made your Momma much so that she defaced her car for you!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I Think He is a Boarder Line Stalker!

Well, what do we have here?  A stalker! and a "boarder line" stalker to boot! Now, let's see...equipped with binoculars and a video camera; he is ready for a voyage...ALL ABOARD!!!

This is An Ignorantic Mine Field!

Praise 103.9 in Philly, do you have a proofreader on staff? Never mind, don't answer...the answer to that question can be found in this article.

Enter at your own risk. I won't bother to go through the entire article. Instead, I will leave that up to you: Now the allegations are explosive enough and also very serious, then add the ignorantics. As I read this article, I felt as if the writer was "be-raiding" me! Lord, how in the world did someone bath a child in "scolding" hot water?

I hope they get to the bottom of this alleged abuse...because these charges ARE NO laughing matter!

Carry on...

An Ignorantic Joke....

This is a joke compliments of one of my readers. Although this is a joke, trust me someone out there in Ignorantic Land took down a message similar to this one from their wives' "Gyna Colleges"! *hollering*

More Ignorantic Self-Made Signs

Ladies and Gents, Ignorantics readers are everywhere ready to snap a pic whenever they see a violation. Well, this is no different...just received this jewel via text from one of my readers in Virginia. Read the sign...

Oh, and I neglected to tell you that my reader made of point of telling me that this sign was in a Lexus. [drops the mic and walks off the stage]

Land of the Free, Home of the Bray

One of my colleagues was grading papers when she came across the phrase "Land of the Free, and home of the Bray" in a research paper.

Where is the "Bray", and whose home is it?

Is this what freedom yields? SMH

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Another Installment of "When the Positive Message Goes Wrong"...

When a simple proofread won't due, a way to show everyone that we need more "black mails" as teachers is to post this on Facebook. [sigh]

Wedding Vowels

He made it through his engagement excitement and the courtship. Now, it is time for the big day: his wedding. All the plans and preparations have been very stressful and exciting at the same time. Well, we all know from experience what this can do to an Ignorantic, right?

Our next Ignorantic is preparing for his wedding day and he is nervous. He is particularly nervous because the bride-to-be has thrown a wrench into his program...his very existence...there is a threat that he could be exposed, and he is not happy about it. What am I referring to? The entire wedding party, the minister, guests and more importantly, the bride, will find out that Mr. Groom is an Ignorantic. He's known it all along but this time, the jig is up.

This Ignorantic revealed to his cousin that the big day was going to be uncharted waters. In an email, he stated that "not only did he have to stand before all those guests and profess his undying love, he had to write his own "vowels"". That's right...he was going to write his wedding "vowels". Can you think of anything more romantic than writing your own wedding "vowels"? Do you think he will be able to use all five (5) vowels in his vows? That could be quite a feat, eh?  I "guest" we will have to wait for the wedding to "fine" out. The anticipation...

Friday, June 22, 2012

Oh Columbus!!! Did You Cut Your Hashtag Short?

Night night Sandusky!!!! Make sure to use bleach when you wash Big Maurices draws. #goodriddens

Nobody Likes a Smart Azz!!!

Beware of Ignorantics brazen enough to correct you INCORRECTLY...[sigh]

I'll bite...what is the big difference?

Excited Ignorantic Sports Fans

Sunday, June 17, 2012

It's Father's Day...time to relax and unwine

Fathers, couldn't you use some  time to relax and unwind? Why not? You deserve it, right? Well, one of my readers got a call from his daughter today and she had a different take on her father's relaxation process. Instead, she urged her father to "relax and unwine" on Father's Day.

Now Dads, I know that you can use the relaxation on this special day; so, do yourself a favor: take off your shoes, elevate your feet, and pour yourself a glass of wine...I guess the wine will help the "unwining" process. [wink]

Enjoy your day Dads!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Double Negative Tattoo Artists are Da Bomb!!!!

A good tattoo artist is hard to find these days...a lot of work goes into designing the art that will ultimately be placed on the subject's body, but I would also think that for some, a lot of work goes into trying to make it grammatically correct too....

Enter strong arm....poor thing, all he wanted to do is give the world a bit of encouragement and hope. The best way to do this would be to tattoo something inspirational on his arm, right?

Well, that would be right if it wasn't so wrong...[I'll give you a moment to check out the tattoo] Sigh...somebody stepped on a double negative mine in the Ignorantics field, didn't they? That's right, that little double negative bug landed right on this tattoo artist's brain as he was creating this tattoo and it instructed him to "never don't give up"! Eureka!

Now, to Ignorantics, a double negative feels rolls off the tongue very smooth and clear. The person speaking feels good but the person hearing the message feels assaulted. Like right now...just looking at this tattoo is burning my eyes!

Can someone "past" me a tissue?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Is There a Leash Law? 'Cause These Dogs Are Running Rapid Around Here!

It's true that many dog owners allow their dog to walk by their side without a leash, and at times, there may be more than one dog without a leash. However, on this particular Sunday, an Ignorantic, while running in the park, came across a pack of dogs who were running inside the park and frightening all of the runners on the jogging trail. So, the Ignorantic queried "Is there a leash law in this county, because these dogs are running rapid around here??!!"

Now, if these dogs were moving at a pace similar to that of the dogs on this picture, they would have been moving rapidly, but we all know that was not what this Ignorantic meant because the dogs were actually walking at a slow, she meant to say that the dogs were running "rampant" all over the park without a leash. Perhaps, in this particular situation, we can give this person a half-pass because she was both excited and scared which tends to bring out the worst in Ignorantics. Then again, this is just wrong.

As you were...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

I Need a New Phone; I Think Imma Get One of those Blueberries

Nothing says ignorant than an old G trying to be hip. This next 60-something Ignorantic thought he was being cool when he told his niece "I can't wait to get my Blueberry, so that I can text you!"

Really OG? Your Blueberry? How much do these Blueberries cost? and where can I "pick" one up? I don't know about the Blueberry, but that Blackberry is great for texting!

..and they say money is the "fruit" of all evil! SMH.