Jewelry Duty Can Be a Very Rewarding Experience...for the Ignorantic

Have you ever been on jewelry duty? I haven't, but plenty of ignorantics have been on jewelry duty. By now, those of you who know how to speak English are saying to yourself "jewelry duty"? That's a novel idea, I guess? what is it? I feel your pain. When you are not an ignorantic, the first thing you do is to try to rationalize what an ignorantic says...since jewelry is a word, he or she must be talking about a jewelry marathon or maybe a jewelry party, right? WRONG. It's not until you hear the next two sentences that you realize that you have been assaulted by an ignorantic: "I love sitting on the jewelry...it was fun!" "...jewelry duty lasted a few weeks and the lawyers really knew what they were doing".

I will give you a minute to process it. I know...all this time you were thinking about jewelry, the ignorantic was talking about jury duty. Go on...shake your head; it is astonishing how they can take a word with a completely different meaning and stick it where it does not belong. Here is the difficult thing for the ignorantic: trying to reconcile "jewel" with "jur-". It is difficult for the ignorantic because it is about sound. To the ignorantic, jewel and jury, sound alike, therefore they should be used interchangably. Makes sense, right?

Ok, enough of these ignorantics...let's try to focus on intervention. How can we lovingly condemn this speech or at least the use of one word in place of the other. I have an idea. Let's start with props...jewelry. The next time someone mentions that they were on jewelry duty, grab them by the hand, point to your watch, ring, or bracelet, and look them in the eye and say "this is jewelry"; you were on on jury duty. Now, you will have to give them a minute to process what you have just told them. You just gave them a linguistic epideral in the spine. It is going to hurt initially, but eventually the pain will dissipate, and then they will be numb. The numbness comes from the ignorance, so maybe this will require some additional time. Eventually, they will maintain eye contact with you, blink a few times, and then say the words you were yearning for "I meant to say jury". Feeling the euphoria? You should...you just witnessed someone come out of a ignorantic coma. The jury initially will come out a little sketchy because for many ignorantics, it will be their first time uttering the word. You must be patient with them. This is rehab. It will not happen overnight. Other than Google, occasionally spellcheck and grammar check, a firm hand from a friend with a good dose of the truth (or in this instance, the right word) is the only methadone they will receive.

Once they utter the word, "jury", you must continue to point to your jewelry so they know that they cannot backslide. Say this: "You were on JURY duty Miss Pronounce, not JEWELRY [pointing to your bracelet] duty! Ok? Repeat at least (5) times...[breathe] It will be alright, but don't take my word for it, just [axe] your non-ignorantic friends! ©2010