Have You Ever Seent People Kilt Dead?

I don't know about y'all but when ignorantics fall into the verb tense category, I am reaching for my Goody Powder. Making an already past tense verb more past tense is an ignorantic's favorite. Of course, this is something that can be picked up during a grammar check in WORD or in most free email accounts like Gmail, Yahoo, MSN, and the like, but it doesn't stop them...nothing will.

Let's talk about grammar check. Remember grammar check picks up words that fall in a sentence that are not grammatically correct. This confuses the ignorantic because the grammar check produces "green" highlights. In the simplest of ways, "green" to an ignorantic means "go"; Not stop ("red") or caution ("yellow"). Accordingly, when an ignorantic types a grammatically incorrect sentence, grammar check gives them the green light to hack the English language to a bloody pulp!

Ok...so you say, I can accept that for written speech; what about oral speech? How can one possibly get away with using the word "seent"? Does it sound like anything else? Is it a popular term? Does it rhyme with any candy or object that brings pleasure? No...No...No...then why in the name of all that is good for average English-speaking citizens would someone say "seent"? The answer is quite simple...because they can! Don't forget that an ignorantic always favors the "t" over any other letter because it produces emphasis. When you are an ignorantic, you want to sound educated and nothing says educated more than a "t". The "t" creates the illusion that you are correct; you are articulate, you are in control! So, if you "seent" someone, it sounds much better than the boring, yet correct, "saw" or "seen".

Now, let's move on to the double layering of ignorantics. No good ignorantic worth its salt will commit a single ignorantic...it must be at least a double. A double in the same sentence for effect. Therefore, when you hear that the ignorantic "seent someone kilt dead", you immediately blink your eyes to get rid of the gloss over, adjust your neck, and quietly begin your convalescence. I know its not easy but ignorantics make it hard for those of use who know that "kilt" is a Scottish  knee-high garment. The fact that "kilt" is a garment, as opposed to a verb never occurred to an ignorantic because they don't know about Scotland. So, if you don't know, then what do you do? You go out on the limb and create words, speak them consistently and refutably without fear of retribution.

Trying to correct the ignorantic becomes troublesome as well. You will conjugate with them, start with prefixes, use flash cards, and as a last resort...the mirror. I've said in previous posts that the mirror usually breaks the ignorantic. Only because it is the first opportunity for them to see that which they speak. The ignorantic can stand in front of a mirror, smile and say that they "seent someone kilt dead". When this happens, usually there is some sort of visceral, involuntary response like a twitch or a blink which signifies to most of us that the ignorantic realizes they just said something that was grammatically incorrect. However, its not that simple. Most ignorantics suffer from non-verbal ticks because of their abuse of the English language. If you love an ignorantic and you don't want them to drop the "seent" or "kilt" bomb at a public dinner with friends, a political fundraiser, a classroom, in a Powerpoint, or a group prayer [i.e.,Lord, you've seent the worst of me, there have been others who have tried to kilt my spirit but I know that you have seent me through this -this was a real prayer that I heard on a prayer line], listen to what I am about to say. You cannot get creative while trying to correct them; it will only confuse them, especially if you use comparisons that have become too familiar. For example, when trying to correct the use of the word "kilt" as a verb and knowing that the ignorantic does not know about Scotland, please do not bring up Scotch. That is a liquor that will evoke euphoria instead of disdain. Mentioning liquor will make them think of happy times, and you will continue to hear "kilt" when you least expect it.


Therefore, if anyone of you witness or seent someone kilt dead, please call the police or the "ambalamps" as soon as possible!

Here's an afterthought: Can you kill someone once they are already dead? I'm just saying...
©2010