Oh Snap! There’s a New Candy on the Market: Go Diva Chocolates!

If you are a chocolate connoisseur, cover your ears and stop reading because the following revelation is sure to send you into anaphylactic shock.

I hadn’t heard of it, nor had I ever heard the word uttered…that is until I was shopping one Saturday afternoon in T.J. Maxx. As usual, there was a long line and T.J. Maxx always conveniently has a maze of little trinkets, electronics, gourmet coffees, candies, mugs, etc. for one to look at while waiting for the cashier. Just before I reached the cashier, there was a lovely display of chocolates. They were Godiva Chocolates. Now, in all fairness to the brand and its legacy, I think it appropriate to give a little history on the brand to put the defamation that happened next into its proper context.

Godiva Chocolatier is a manufacturer of premium chocolates and other related products. Wikipedia states that Godiva, also sells truffles, coffee, cocoa, biscuits, dipped fruits and sweets, "Chocolixir" beverages, wedding and party favors and other items arranged in gift baskets. Godiva's signature package is the Gold Ballotin (French for "small, elegant box of chocolates"). Godiva also produces seasonal and limited-edition chocolates with special packaging for all major holidays. Godiva also has license agreements for the production of ice cream, cheesecake, coffee pods and liqueur that comes in several chocolate-related flavors.

Classy candy for classy folks, right?

Now, that I have properly re-introduced you to what most of us commonly refer to as Godiva Chocolates; let me discuss the butchery that took place inches from the Godiva Chocolates display in TJ Maxx. A young lady, who I would guess was probably in her thirties looked at the chocolates, paused for a few minutes, moved her lips as if she was perseverating over how she was going to pronounce “Godiva”, then suddenly, wantonly and completely without provocation loudly ousted “Why come these Go Diva Chocolates don’t have a price on them? Are they on Clarence?” [I’ll give you a chance to digest this…you can read it again if you wish, but don’t read it more than twice]

Ok…adjust your neck and back…I know; multiple layers of ignorantics in this one example. It’s hard to fathom, but it happens; and it happens when you least expect it. So, let’s peel back the layers of ignorance one by one. First, “Why come?” “Why” is usually used to signify “for what reason”. It’s an interjection often used to signify hesitation or surprise. Now, “come” when used here is meant to state that it just came to the mind of the speaker. The interesting thing about this incident is that this young lady (who will hereinafter be referred to as “Miss Pronounce”) was indeed an ignorantic, and she spewed her web of ignorantical banter because it did just “come” to her mind. She didn’t know the name Godiva, never heard of it, and never tasted it. So, she did what any reasonable ignorantic would do; she broke down the word so that she could say it: G….O…. and then, the rest of the word is…D I V A. Kinda makes sense once you break it down phonetically, right? [that was a rhetorical question]

Ok, moving along...let’s address the fact that Miss Pronounce was inquiring about whether the Go Diva Chocolates were on “Clarence”. [blank stare] Now, I know that at first blush, this ignorantic does not jump out at you immediately, except for the fact that Miss Pronounce is substituting the word “clearance” with the word, or should I say the name, “Clarence”. You can call it dialect, regional linguistic swag, I call it ignorant! My apologies to the chocolate connoisseurs of the world. You did not deserve this. My advice to you is to stay out of stores, like T.J. Maxx, that sell exorbitant chocolates for less than $4; stay out of stores, like T.J. Maxx, who regularly have products on “Clarence”; and stay out of stores where ignorantics breed “irregardless” of the good prices! I can’t get any more “pacific” than that!
©2010