The Best Ignorantic Post in 2011 Goes To....

It doesn't get any better than this folks! Happy New Year and please tell all of your friends about Ignorantics in 2012! THANK YOU!

Y'all Have Got to Stop Using the Lord's Name in Vein!

This Ignorantic was an older woman who thought she was admonishing younger folks who were using profanity on Facebook. She boldly interrupted a thread by saying "Now, y'all have got to stop using the Lord's name in vein! Everything is GD this and GD that...watch your mouves!"

Okay, first...my mother always told me to respect my elders, BUT damn lady..."using the Lord's name in vein"? What were you thinking about when you typed this? The blood of Jesus? and then to add insult to injury, you go and try to pluralize "mouths" and call it "mouves"!

I think a prayer if intercession would be in order...

I Just Got a Job as a Paraplegic for a Law Firm!

Ignorantics are everywhere....in your school, at your job, in your family, and YES, in the Narcotics Anonymous meetings too!

Now, ladies and gents, no place is sacred when it comes to bad grammar and ignorantics. A place of healing and anonymity can easily be turned into a den of rampant ignorantics. One of my readers, a drug counselor reported that one of the addicts at a local NA meeting happily announced that she was just hired as a paraplegic at a local law firm.

Paraplegic? Really? I wonder what the paralegals have to say about this new employee?

Let's Neill and Pray...

While most of us kneel and pray to a supreme being...our Narcissistic Ignorantic prefers to "Neill and prey" and she doesn't understand that this is also NOT a typo. Readers, I think these ignorantics will have us shaking our heads well into 2012....

Carry on...

Ciara is Sportin' Her Waste-Length Hair!

This is an oldie but goodie Ignorantic favorite that I am bringing out for one last encore before 2012. It was uttered by a Narcissistic Ignorantic who could not get it through her thick head of "waste-length" hair that this was NOT a typo.

Carry on....don't "waste" your time trying to figure out why she didn't get it!

What if Your Child Catches Ammonia For a Pair of Shoes?

Once again, a video clip that needs no commentary. However, there is one young lady who commented about the long lines folks were standing in to get these shoes and she said "What if your child get ammonia trying to get a pair of shoes?" Ammonia? Really?

I almost caught pneumonia laughing at this. Carry on...

Christmas BOGO SALE: Buy One Pondsetter and Get Two Free!

Today, I went to the Safeway to get some last minute things for our first Christmas BBQ Dinner when I heard over the loudspeaker the following message: 

Today we have a special on our "pondsetters". Buy one "pondsetter" and get (2) FREE.

As soon as she announced it, folks were running over to that area to grab their (3) poinsettia.

The only reason why everyone knew what she was talking about was that she said go to the floral department to pay for the "pondsetters". It really was a great deal, but the Ignorantic manager who announced the sale should NEVER be allowed to make in-store announcements again.

Carry on...

Mary Christmas Everybody!

If you know someone whose first name is "Mary" and her last name is "Christmas", then I can see these two words being used together. However, these two words should NEVER be seen together when you are wishing someone a "Merry Christmas"...shame on the Ignorantic that sent this out in an email blast to over 100 people!

Carry on...

Only an Ignorantic Would Wear This Shoe!!!

This brings new meaning to "horseshoe"....

Merry Christmas From The Johnsons (An Ignorantic Holiday Card)

I'm speechless.

I Want a New "Fleas" Coat for Christmas!

My Ignorantics readers love to put their family members on blast...especially their Mommas...this one is no different. In this post, my reader said her Momma told her that for Christmas, she wanted a new "fleas" coat.

Now she may not have had this (pictured left) kind of coat in mind, but I think this little puppy would appreciate a good "Fleas" coat instead of this cutsie pink "fleece" coat that her owner purchased for her.

Carry on...

I Would Say Something about..., but I Don't Want You to be Defended!

Ok...now we all have our insecurities, and once these things are brought to our attention, some of us can and will get defensive BUT I've never gotten "defended" when someone brought something like this to my attention. I think this particular Ignorantic is a tad bit "paranoise".

I Need to Pawn My Travaski Crystal Ring!!!

Ok...so I am watching the show "Hardcore Pawn" tonight and this came on. All you have to do is watch while this young lady tries to pawn her grandmother's "Travaski Crystal Ring". When the pawn shop manager tries to correct her, she gets indignant with him and then watch what happens...This is Ignorantics at its best!!!! [Warning: There is some explicit language]

Ignorantic Shower Singers: Part 1

Now, we all know that the world LOVES a shower singer. Haven't we all grabbed a bottle of shampoo in the shower and pretended to be our favorite singer?

Well, shower singing goes to a whole new level when an Ignorantic grabs the mic, or should I say the shampoo bottle? One of my readers sent in a story of her Ignorantic Man who is a professional shower singer (professional in his mind only) and this is how he sang one of the lines from the Temptations hit, "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" :

“ I KNOW YOU WANNA LEAVE ME! BUT I REFUSE TO LET YOU GO. IF I HAD TO BEG & PLEAD AT THE SYMPHONY.. [STATION BREAK/PAUSE: they rest was unintelligible she said, probably because he didn't know the words] AIN'T TO PROUD TO BEG, BABY, PLEASE DO LEAVE ME GURL!”


Really??? Leave Him! Leave Him! While You Can!!!!!

What's in the Passed is in the Passed!

I don't know about y'all but I'd rather live in the "passed" than live in the "past"!

I wonder which one is quicker? I think I'll ask the Ignorantic who said this. I may be shocked about how the answer will affect my "presents".

All Unwanted Emails Go Into the Meat Folder

One of my readers just informed me that her mother said that "she set up her email so that all unwanted emails went to her "meat folder". **crickets**

Using that logic, I guess all my health-related emails should go to the vegetable folder....

I can't call this one y'all....

I Need To Find a Babysitter for my Chow!

No, I'm not referring to the dog on the left, and I am sure this Ignorantic was not referring to the dog either BUT in her perfect ignorantic world, the little boy she gave birth to is her "chow"....and she needed to find him a babysitter.

Ignorantics are Serving Up Cram-bury Sauce & Collar Greens for Thanksgiving!

Ignorantics run rampant during the holidays. You will find them in the "licka stores", the "grocelery" stores, and in the "Walmarx" shopping for all their little holiday treats. 

Well, today was no different. While in the grocery store, I overheard an Ignorantic talking about making her famous "cram-bury" sauce with nuts. I'm sure it taste good but does it sound good? Does she have to "cram" in the time to make this dish? Maybe she thinks her guests will "bury" themselves in her tasty treat on Thanksgiving Day! Who knows...

Oh, but wait....does this tasty vegetable conjure up any memories of  Thanksgiving Day? It does for me. It is one of my favorite vegetables, but when I was shopping today in the grocery store, I ran into an Ignorantic who wanted to "dress up" this vegetable. She wanted to give it some swag, some pizazz, a little extra flavor...

Ready? POP YOUR COLLARS and get ready to serve up "collar greens" on Thanksgiving Day!!! That's right, I said "collar greens".... let's not try to figure this one out y'all because we wouldn't want to ruin our appetite.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

People Need to Know About Event Educate!

People need to know about "event educate"? Really?


Need a minute? I understand...I can't even begin to explain this one.

...but I will say this...I think good event etiquette should also include speaking properly...I'm just sayin'....

Ignorantics: Oldies BUT Goodies

How many Ignorantics do you know that have had “wing” worms?

or chicken “pops”?

and then there were the Ignorantics who wore “bracelets” on their teeth...



Gotta love these oldies BUT goodies!

Protein ALERT: Have You ever Tasted Human Beans?

Now, I have tasted baked beans, pinto beans, navy beans, red beans, green beans...but "human beans"?

I learned about this recent addition to the bean family just the other day. I understand "human beans" can be difficult to take sometimes, at times not very digestible, but they come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors...

I hope this new addition to the protein family will prove healthy for all human beings.

Breaking News: Women Are Now Having Sea-Sections!

Ok...so I know that these little ones swim around a bit inside their Mommy's tummy, but one Ignorantic has taken that vision to a new level. Now, according to this Ignorantic, women can have "Sea-sections"!

Sea...birth canal...Wow! It kinda makes sense, ignorantically speaking...no need to get any more "Pacific" about this one!

Halloween is a Scurry Time for Ignorantics!

Stay away from those haunted houses on Halloween because when an Ignorantic is "scurd", they really start dropping "I" bombs!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

It's Sad When You are Un Unducated...

Wow...this one has you reaching for your pills, doesn't it? "un unducated"? Really? Now, you know you are uneducated when the speaker wants to "un" you twice! Two "uns" for emphasis, right?

Now, let's explore the definition of "un": 

un-
a prefix freely used in English to form verbs expressing a reversal of some action or state, or removal, deprivation, release, etc.(unbend; uncork; unfasten, etc.), or to intensify the force of averb already having such a meaning (unloose).

Well, if you ask me, the only thing in reversal here is this Ignorantic's vocabulary. She needed to be thrown under the bus for this ignorance...it is so unnecessary; so totally unacceptable; so unbelievable; so unreal that an educated woman would be so un unducated! 

  

It's unlikely that she'll ever read this...so why do I bother? It must be that unconditional love I have for Ignorantics....[sigh]

They Come to Pick up the "Bunk" Trash on Thursdays!

Once again, we have another reader putting her Momma on BLAST...yes, that's right, her Momma [it is all outta love though] but anywho, our next Ignorantic has a habit of referring to the week's big items that are put out to trash as the "bunk trash".

[pause]...well, instead of bulk trash, maybe she was thinking she could stack her "bunk trash" like bunk beds, right? word association is the key to figuring out ignorantics folks. Just go with the flow.

...its almost like a game of Scrabble...

I Don't Eat Cafeteria Food Because I'm Real "Frigid" About My Food!

Food is a funny animal, and everyone has an opinion about it. Today, folks don't just eat anything or eat anywhere...enter our next Ignorantic who is very "frigid" about HER FOOD! I mean, she gets all cold and tingling when she thinks about eating cafeteria style food.

Maybe its just me but she does seem a little "fickle" about her food?

More Ignorantic Names: Baby Moammarique

A registered nurse who is an Ignorantics reader and who works at Hospital X in the maternity wing, just told me that one of the mothers asked her for the correct spelling of former Libyan leader, Moammar Gadhafi (not sure of this spelling because I have seen it spelled a number of ways).

This mother was distraught over the images she saw on TV of the slain leader and decided that it would be a good idea to name her newborn daughter "Moammarique".

Special Bday Anniversary Shoutout to Little L...Justice is Better Served When You Take a Flea Bargain!

Now, this is a special ignorantic shout out to "Little L" whose birthday anniversary is TODAY, and her daughter, who shares the same birthday with Little L, wanted to remember her Momma in a very humorous way by putting her on blast for one of her  famous ignorantic terms.

My attorney friends will get a kick out of the fact that the next time they ask their clients to take one of Little L's "flea bargains", they can rest assure that their clients will have received justice.

Nothing soothes the heart more than to remember our loved ones fondly. I believe that Little L is laughing and looking down on us right now "scratching" her head and wondering why we all think her court justice "flea bargains" are so darn funny.

Love you and miss you Little L...we will never forget YOU and this ignorantic term!

In memory of Little L, please support the fight against Breast Cancer: Susan G. Komen for the Cure

Did You Know that you have to Require a Taste for Beets!

I have always known that beets are good for you, and that everyone should eat them, BUT I never knew that I had to "require" a taste for them.

I guess that is what my Momma meant by the phrase "you are required to eat vegetables and fruits in this house". I guess I developed my "required" taste early in life!

I am a Proud Illuminati of _________ University!

I am a PROUD alumni of Lincoln University in Pennsylvania, but one of my readers just informed me that she overhead a college-educated person claiming to be a proud "illuminati" of __________ University. Really? Illuminati? As in the secret group that purportedly organized a plot to rule the world through world events?

In this example, the name of the University has been withheld so as not to tarnish its reputation. SMH.

New Ignorantic JOB POST: LOOKING FOR A DRIVER

Here is the job post I saw this morning:

Need a driver who can drive his own car for sedan .Work fom 5pm to 1am .Pay only $40 ..Must be responsible and preferd above the age of 30.Just license is o-k.The driver must have j p s and cellphone.

Ok...Dear Job Poster, the only folks who will reply to this post are people who truly are "preferd", and more importantly, when you find a driver who is willing to drive for you from 5 pm. - 1 am for $40 who also happens to have a "JPS", you will have hit the ignorantic JACKPOT!

Good Luck!

Rick Ross Has Been Hospitalized, and One of his Fans Thinks He had a "Ceaser"

First, let me say that Rick Ross being hospitalized is not funny nor is he an Ignorantic...in fact, I sincerely hope that he will be okay....

[That being said] Enter...stage right...the Ignorantic FAN who tweeted "Damn Rick Ross had a ceaser and passed out on the airplane..."

Really "Most Hated"? A ceaser? What were you thinking when you tweeted this? a haircut, the famous Roman General, salad dressing [invert the a & e]? Most Hated, Ignorantics like you never "cease" to amaze me. Ceaser is not even close to "seizure"! Not even close! Oh, and did I mention that it is also NOT a word!

FANS, I know you mean well, and you want to let your favorite celeb know you are thinking about them, but if you are unsure about what ails them, just tweet "Get Well Soon", and leave it at that.

Update: Rick Ross has been listed in stable condition. Get well soon Rick. We are all praying for your speedy recovery. Link: Update on Rick Ross

When You Hire an Interior Designer, Please do not ask for "Gecko-Roman" Decor!

I know we all tend to get a little excited when we take on a new home improvement project, but do we really have to make things up?

This Ignorantic was turned in by her hubby for telling their interior designer that she wanted "gecko-roman" decor in their living room. I don't know about y'all but the only "gecko" that I know of is a lizard that crawls...

I asked my Ignorantic whistleblower to invite me over after the interior designer finishes their reptilian layout. I bet I will be "green" with envy!

Are You Going to Order An "Apple-tizer" Before the Main Course?

Ok, you can "blame it on the alcohol" but this Ignorantic can ONLY blame this on the fact that she is a denial about her growing propensity to drop Ignorantic bombs.

I won't call any names, but the person who dropped this Ignorantic bomb at dinner with a drink in her hand, has dropped a few "I" bombs within a span of one week and her husband/whistleblower doesn't mind putting her antics on BLAST!

Beware spousal Ignorantics, your husbands and your wives want you to seek help! How can they enjoy their "apple-tizers" when you are constantly dropping "I" bombs?

For better or "worser", right?

When I come to Town, I will Touch "Basis" With You!

Have you ever heard the saying "touch bases" or "touch base"? It is kinda associated with the picture to the left...meaning that a runner in baseball is required to go back and touch the base with his foot after a hitter hits a pop fly that is caught (i.e., returning to the place you were at before in order to check in, as required by custom)...that is the meaning behind the phrase, BUT I don't think I've ever "touched basis" with anyone...especially in an email when I am addressing my employees as an administrator.


Typo reality check: The "i" and the "e" aren't even close to each other on the keypad for this to be blamed on a typo. This qualifies as a full blown Ignorantic.


I'll never be able to watch a baseball game the same way after this...


Ignorantic administrators BEWARE; your employees are embarassed by your ignorantics and they are putting you on BLAST!

At "Lease" You Can Say You Proofread Before You Submitted Your Paper!

Folks, proofreading is almost as fundamental as reading these days, but nothing is worse than an Ignorantic who thinks they are on top of their game and they want to correct YOU.

Enter Professor Ignorantic who told her students in an email that in their papers "at lease they will be able to say they did a thorough job because they proofread their work before submitting it".

Kinda begs the question, doesn't it?

She is the "Spit and Image" of Her Mother!

For years, folks have been saying "You are the spitting image of ____..." but for one Ignorantic, that saying was completely turned on its head.

Picture this...I am at a birthday party for one of my son's school friends, and one of the mothers remarks "Gurl, your son is the spit and image of you!"

Now, I know what you are thinking...maybe she said "spit'n"....Well, no...she very emphatically said "SPIT AND IMAGE" with emphasis on the "AND"...

Ignorantics are now changing ageless cliches...SMH

Ignorantics With "Old-Timers Disease" Forget Things

I hear the most ignorantic conversations while I am in the pharmacy. Mind boggling stuff...

Ok...so Alzheimer's Disease is challenging to spell, but why can't we say it correctly? Old Timers is not even close...SMH

The Most Ignorantic Name I Have Ever Heard Thus Far...Drum Roll Please!

Today, I heard the most ignorantic name that I have ever heard in my life; so ignorant that it is truly criminal.

A young mother in Maryland actually named her baby daughter, "Abcd (pronounced Ab[ab]-sea[c]-dee[d]) Jones". I confirmed this by looking at a copy of the birth certificate. I did change the last name to protect the child of the Ignorantic mother (although this name is so ignorant, it can't be too hard to find the poor child)

The problems this child is going to have with this name over the years are endless...job resume issues, commencement exercise mispronunciations , attendance roll call, etc.

This is shameful. A...B...C....D....

You got Yours and I got Mines!

Now, how many times have you heard this? This is on the top ten list for most uttered words or phrases by an Ignorantic! Makes me wanna reach for the Goody Powder!

Get it right Ignorantics! Get it right!

Ignorantics Frequently Take Things Out of Content

Big Wow y'all...heard this whopper the other day and had to add it to the list. What was she thinking? Maybe taking something out of "context"? Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket!

October is Going to be a Cold Mont

I have been hearing folks say this for years...where does this come from? Why can't we put that "h" on the word. Do you know any Ignorantics that say this?

Sheer lazi-dum (yes, I said it and I don't want you Ignorantics repeating it because it is NOT a word)

!

Another Installment of Facebook Ignorantics

This is a copy of an ignorantic rant on Facebook. The name and profile picture have been changed to protect the Ignorantic:

A notice to my facebook friend's who wishes to continue receving facebook for free. my message was up right when i sent it out, now a technician has it mixed and turned all around...hope you can read or figure it out..thank you my tec friend.

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Like ·  · Share ·  12 minutes ago via mobile · Privacy:

·         

·         

o  

Tn Apparently he want's me off of facebook that i may not qualify for the free service.

10 minutes ago · Like

o  

Tn He is a muslem that want's to control my page! apparently he works for facebook.i do know his name and i have had enough of this non sense.

5 minutes ago · Like

o  

Tn Tex me now,whom shall i bring my complaint too?

4 minutes ago · Like

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Tn He does not want you to talk about your God he is against christianity(period) i need your help my face book friend's.

2 minutes ago · Like

o  

Tn Please beleave me this is no game!

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New ignorantic words:

-beleave

-Tex

-Muslem

-receving

There may have been more words but I started getting dizzy. I'll let my readers at the rest of this...